Feeling Worthless — Two Wordles

The most amazing thing happened last night.  I was about to close down Facebook, when I suddenly noticed a desperate plea pop up from a friend of mine; one that I have never seen on Facebook before (other than the day we helped her sign in, six months ago).  She said (in her status) that she felt like she wasn’t good enough for anyone, and then begged someone to help her feel better.  I called her up immediately, only to find she was, indeed, in great despair over an incident at work, which only brought back the pain of a recent divorce.  We talked for a long time, and although the tears never stopped, they did subside somewhat.  We were both amazed that God had brought her to my attention clear across the miles, within a minute of her desperate plea for help.  That is the great love and care of our Father!

When these types of things happen, we can easily feel worthless, unloved, rejected, and “no good.”  I understand how she feels.  Although our situations are completely different, I used to talk to myself in the same terms — saying that I was worthless, stupid and could never do anything right. 

I recall a painful incident when I waited for my dad in the wrong parking lot, which caused him to be very angry.  My friend, Marilyn, was with me and heard me speak the words outloud:  “I’m so stupid!  Why do I always mess up?  Why can I never do anything right around my dad?”  She stopped me mid-stream, and said, “Juli, that’s not why this happened.  It didn’t happen in order for you to feel lousy and tear yourself down.  It happened so we can see how you react when these things happen.  God doesn’t want you to go down the pathway of despair, feeling worthless, feeling stupid, and tearing down yourself.  He let this happen so He can free you from these thoughts and heal you.”

Marilyn has since gone to be with the Lord, but I’ll never forget that moment, because it was truly life-changing.  She was always saying to me, when I was distressed, “Have you thanked God yet?”  I learned that not only could I choose to thank Him willingly, but I had every reason to thank Him, because He really did intend it for good.  The bottom line, is that He wanted me to see the great love He has for me, and to learn that it’s not about me; it’s all about Him.  It doesn’t matter if I “do things right” or “do things wrong,” because He lived and died in my place and accepts me unconditionally.  I learned that His love really is sufficient, and is the deepest love my heart had always longed to know.  I even began to speak words of truth to myself and to reject the lie that I was worthless.  When I hear those voices now, I remember, “It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me and it doesn’t matter if I mess up or not; it’s all about Him, not about me.”  Just imagine — an incident that was so horribly painful and destructive, was actually allowed by God in order to bring healing!  And it did. 

The first Wordle above was filled with lies and words that express feelings of despair and hopelessness.  But feelings are not the truth; they that ever-changing.  Facts and the Promises of God are Rock Solid!  This second Wordle is filled with facts — the Truth of God’s Ever-Present Love and Acceptance, not because I “deserve” it, but because of Who He is!  How wonderful it is when we finally believe these truths!  Thank You, Lord, for all the incidents that opened my eyes to these glorious truths!